It's National NFP (Natural Family Planning) Awareness Week, so I found this meme on Pinterest that I'd say this is quite accurate based on my own experience and that of family and friends I know who have shared with me. The words following the photo are merely my thoughts, so try not to get offended somehow.
If you are looking for more information about what NFP is and what the Church teaches about it, I really loved this article about God, sex, and babies. :) Jenny over at mamaneedscoffee.com also writes some great posts about NFP which are also quite entertaining. The one I linked to is merely ONE she has written, but just put NFP in the search box and you can read for hours.
Let's start with society: they assume that if you DO have a "large" family that you must not know how to use NFP, or that it is ineffective. False. 1) They are assuming that you weren't planning to have a big family (because of course, who in their right mind would PLAN to have that many kids?) and 2) they wrongly assume that NFP is merely another form of birth control when it's so much more (It is used to avoid pregnancy, achieve pregnancy, development strong communication in marriage, and that's just a start....)
The general sentiment I get from "society" when I'm out and about with my 3 kids ages 5 and under is that they should pity me. What is pity except a way to push someone below you as if you are somehow better than them? If you see that I'm a bit overwhelmed with my brood that day, your pity will never help me, but your kindness and encouragement will.
Moving on to doctors (obviously we aren't speaking about pro-life doctors who actually know about and understand NFP): I have never been blessed to have a pro-life OB/GYN who was really familiar with NFP. They aren't just right around every corner, so often you get to be a witness and/or have your OB/GYN react similarly to the picture above. They think we have no idea what is going on regarding "birth control", but rarely ask more about it, which I find a little sad.
Of course the media is constantly spouting that women who follow the teachings of the Catholic Church in general are being oppressed by men. It is infuriating, yet I also just want to laugh at them. REALLY? You think that men (and other women too) shoving hormonal crap at me that simply can't be good for my health are the ones helping me? My husband who is loving, faithful, a good provider, and my best friend, is definitely the one trying to oppress me here.
My husband and I have only grown closer because we practice NFP. We aren't always on the same page at first, but NFP calls the couple to prayerfully come together and listen to each other, and prayerfully discern TOGETHER. I'm not making all the decisions because "it's my body!" and he's not making all the decisions because he's "an oppressive Catholic husband/idiot" WE are listening to each other's thoughts, opinions, ideas, hopes, feelings, and dreams. And then we are taking them to God and letting Him show us the path he wants us to follow.
My GOOD friends of course know what NFP is because they either practice it too or they have asked me about it and listened thoughtfully to my explanation (not society, the media, or anyone else). But I can agree that some friends/acquaintances definitely seem to be under the assumption that because we practice NFP, we never have sex and/or we don't have it often. It's none of their business, but it's also not true. I mean put two and two together people. We have 3 kids and 1 on the way in less than 6 years. How exactly do you think they came to be? It is true that we abstain during fertile periods (when we are practicing NFP to avoid pregnancy) and that period of time can sometimes feel like an eternity, but it is a wonderful lesson in self-control (who can't use some of that?) and it also gives us opportunity to be sure that the bedroom isn't the only place we connect. And that strengthens a marriage. We love God first and seek His will for our lives and we love each other fully and realize that sex is only one aspect of that love.
At times I do feel a little overwhelmed by charting and counting and doublechecking to be sure my counting is correct. But that's only when I'm stressed out and haven't taken it to God in prayer for awhile and have let the other views above get to me. Who knows? My counting mistake could end up being the hugest blessing in my life! Which brings me to one of the truths of NFP. It's not about you and your plans. If you want to use it to control your life and your fertility you certainly can (if you don't have sex, you won't get pregnant; I don't think God's planning on sending an angel to you and having you conceive by the Holy Spirit), but you are missing the beauty of it and you are not truly practicing NFP as the Church teaches. I have actually grown to LOVE the fact that if I count wrong, or we feel that God has a different plan after our initial discernment to "wait" another month to conceive (God-willing), the "mistake" is not really a mistake. It's a beautiful child and a blessing. Another life God has blessed us with and entrusted to us. When will we realize that GOD is in charge, not us?
Which brings us to the last picture from It's a Wonderful Life. I don't claim that my life is perfect or my marriage is perfect because we use NFP. We are human. Sometimes practicing NFP is really hard and it completely sucks. Sometimes God gives us extra grace and it feels like a breeze. But that's the beauty of it all. Life is not so wonderful without the ups and the downs. We learn and grow from the struggles and we draw closer to each other and God who in turn blesses us abundantly with joy and love.
