NFP- Keepin' it Real

It's National NFP (Natural Family Planning) Awareness Week, so I found this meme on Pinterest that I'd say this is quite accurate based on my own experience and that of family and friends I know who have shared with me.  The words following the photo are merely my thoughts, so try not to get offended somehow.  

If you are looking for more information about what NFP is and what the Church teaches about it, I really loved this article about God, sex, and babies. :)  Jenny over at mamaneedscoffee.com also writes some great posts about NFP which are also quite entertaining.  The one I linked to is merely ONE she has written, but just put NFP in the search box and you can read for hours.  

Let's start with society: they assume that if you DO have a "large" family that you must not know how to use NFP, or that it is ineffective.  False.  1) They are assuming that you weren't planning to have a big family (because of course, who in their right mind would PLAN to have that many kids?) and 2) they wrongly assume that NFP is merely another form of birth control when it's so much more (It is used to avoid pregnancy, achieve pregnancy, development strong communication in marriage, and that's just a start....)

The general sentiment I get from "society" when I'm out and about with my 3 kids ages 5 and under is that they should pity me. What is pity except a way to push someone below you as if you are somehow better than them?  If you see that I'm a bit overwhelmed with my brood that day, your pity will never help me, but your kindness and encouragement will.  

Moving on to doctors (obviously we aren't speaking about pro-life doctors who actually know about and understand NFP):  I have never been blessed to have a pro-life OB/GYN who was really familiar with NFP.  They aren't just right around every corner, so often you get to be a witness and/or have your OB/GYN react similarly to the picture above.  They think we have no idea what is going on regarding "birth control", but rarely ask more about it, which I find a little sad. 

Of course the media is constantly spouting that women who follow the teachings of the Catholic Church in general are being oppressed by men.  It is infuriating, yet I also just want to laugh at them.  REALLY?  You think that men (and other women too) shoving hormonal crap at me that simply can't be good for my health are the ones helping me?  My husband who is loving, faithful, a good provider, and my best friend, is definitely the one trying to oppress me here.  

My husband and I have only grown closer because we practice NFP.  We aren't always on the same page at first, but NFP calls the couple to prayerfully come together and listen to each other, and prayerfully discern TOGETHER.  I'm not making all the decisions because "it's my body!" and he's not making all the decisions  because he's "an oppressive Catholic husband/idiot"  WE are listening to each other's thoughts, opinions, ideas, hopes, feelings, and dreams.  And then we are taking them to God and letting Him show us the path he wants us to follow.  

My GOOD friends of course know what NFP is because they either practice it too or they have asked me about it and listened thoughtfully to my explanation (not society, the media, or anyone else).  But I can agree that some friends/acquaintances definitely seem to be under the assumption that because we practice NFP, we never have sex and/or we don't have it often.  It's none of their business, but it's also not true.  I mean put two and two together people.  We have 3 kids and 1 on the way in less than 6 years.  How exactly do you think they came to be?  It is true that we abstain during fertile periods (when we are practicing NFP to avoid pregnancy) and that period of time can sometimes feel like an eternity, but it is a wonderful lesson in self-control (who can't use some of that?) and it also gives us opportunity to be sure that the bedroom isn't the only place we connect.  And that strengthens a marriage.  We love God first and seek His will for our lives and we love each other fully and realize that sex is only one aspect of that love.  

At times I do feel a little overwhelmed by charting and counting and doublechecking to be sure my counting is correct.  But that's only when I'm stressed out and haven't taken it to God in prayer for awhile and have let the other views above get to me.  Who knows?  My counting mistake could end up being the hugest blessing in my life!  Which brings me to one of the truths of NFP. It's not about you and your plans.  If you want to use it to control your life and your fertility you certainly can (if you don't have sex, you won't get pregnant; I don't think God's planning on sending an angel to you and having you conceive by the Holy Spirit), but you are missing the beauty of it and you are not truly practicing NFP as the Church teaches.  I have actually grown to LOVE the fact that if I count wrong, or we feel that God has a different plan after our initial discernment to "wait" another month to conceive (God-willing), the "mistake" is not really a mistake. It's a beautiful child and a blessing.  Another life God has blessed us with and entrusted to us.  When will we realize that GOD is in charge, not us?

Which brings us to the last picture from It's a Wonderful Life.  I don't claim that my life is perfect or my marriage is perfect because we use NFP.  We are human.  Sometimes practicing NFP is really hard and it completely sucks.  Sometimes God gives us extra grace and it feels like a breeze.  But that's the beauty of it all.  Life is not so wonderful without the ups and the downs.  We learn and grow from the struggles and we draw closer to each other and God who in turn blesses us abundantly with joy and love.  

Answer Me This- Link-up- Happy Clappy Edition

I saw this link-up a few weeks back over at Catholicallyear.com and finally got around to participating in one. She gives out questions and you answer them.  Fun and thought provoking.  Come join in the fun!


1. Do you hate happy clappy church music? 

I confess I do not.  In fact, I love it.  I also love a mystical, solemn Gregorian chant.  Depending on the occasion and how the Spirit leads, either one (and everything in between) has been a means of praising my Lord many times in the past.  After all the Bible says in Isaiah 55:12 "You shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace.  The mountains and the hills will burst into song before you and all the trees of the fields will clap their hands"  If the trees of the fields get to clap to honor and praise their Creator, why not me?


2.  What is your priority: eating or sleeping?

Neither, most of the time.  And both, every once in awhile.

I'm a mom.  It's pretty normal for me to get to nap time and realize I ate next to nothing because I was so busy serving Kid 1, then Kid 2, then Kid 3, then repeat two times (our kids love food), then clean up after Kid 2, and hose off Kid 3, then we go to the park to get some exercise and fresh air, and head to the store to get more food so we can come home for lunch and repeat the earlier meal routine with lunch food instead of breakfast.  After that's all through, I scuttle them up to bed for naps and realize that I'M STARVING!  But relax, that only happens about 3 days of the week.  The rest of the time I at least make myself a fruit smoothie for breakfast and have a PB&J for lunch.  But I LIKE eating and cooking and baking and eating what I cook and cake, so eating is probably the priority I suppose.  And sleeping....gee, I love the idea of it, but I just never have time.  But I'm working on getting more since my youngest is currently 18 months and I have NO GOOD REASON not to be getting at least 8-9 hours a night.

3. What type of milk do you drink in your house?

Generally the whole milk (from a cow).  Yeah, we're fatties.   Sometimes we go down to 2%.  No skim for this fam--we want big boned kids with thunder thighs around here.  ;)

photo found at minimalistmum.blogspot.com

Yeah, we drink the milk from this cow.  Makes you healthy and fun, right?


4. What is a book that changed your perspective on things?

I've just been discussing books that have impacted my life with the girls who have joined me for 33 Days to Morning Glory....

but changed my perspective??  hmmmm.....

I'd say Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.  I read it in high school and remember being touched by the idea that the life of a woman is not just  cooking, cleaning, and caring for children.  It's about so much more when you allow God to touch your life and reveal your true beauty (which is a reflection of His beauty).  But it also makes those sometimes menial tasks seem more incredible sometimes because you can see the bigger picture instead of just another task.
I also love books on any of the saints, because every single one changes my perspective about life and makes me want to be more holy and receive even a small part of the grace that is bestowed on those spiritual champions who have gone before us.


5. Who is your favorite Saint?

That is such a tough question.  I love, love, love so many.

St. Cecilia- I love music.  Since a very young age, I could identify with her and wished to have her childlike faith, her purity of mind and body, and her gift of song. I chose her for my Confirmation saint and our eldest daughter's middle name is Cecilia.  It is a joy to hear her speak of her love for this favorite saint of mine and hear her chatter about how she wants to love Jesus and sing for him and become a patron saint of music someday too.  

St. Rose- She's my namesake Saint (my middle name is Rose) so I've always been drawn to her.  Her story is one filled with much sacrifice and many countless acts of love.  She only ever wanted to love and serve Christ and never wanted to draw attention to herself.

I could seriously go on and on...but here's a story that I just came across recently; Chiara Corbella Petrillo  Her story is incredible.  I cried a lot and it gave me a lot of perspective as a mother.  Wonder when she'll be canonized....I hope it's in my lifetime.


6. Introvert or Extrovert?

Extrovert.  I love being with people.  My hubby, my kids, my family, my friends.

I do also value my alone time though.  And crave it when I've gone through several weeks where everyone is up in my business constantly or I'm out of my routine (i.e. when we go on vacation, or when lots of family gets together, or when my 5 year old has been talking non-stop for the past 10 hours and counting...can you give me 5 minutes to myself in the bathroom, darling?  Mommy needs to hear nothing for a couple minutes.

Make Mother's Day Special

Mother's Day is coming up.   This is not merely a day to tell your mom you love her.  It's a day to honor MOTHERS.  All mothers. Your wife (if you're a married guy), who cares tirelessly for you and your kids.  Your mother.  Your mother-in-law.  Any woman who has been a mother or mentor to you.  Thank moms for the very special sacrifice that they make.  All moms.

So don't just get your own mother a card, write "I love you" and be done with Mother's Day for another year.  Think about the women in your life who are mothers and find a way to truly thank them for the love they give to their children-our future- everyday.  It may be your grandmother, your daughter, your mother-in-law, your wife, your sister, your friend.  It may even be a spiritual mother like a nun or a woman who was like a mother to you, but think about the mothers in your life that you are really close to and show them that you appreciate and understand what a special vocation this is.

In case you wanted a few ideas for things that moms really love and appreciate, I jotted down a few

1. Affirmation

• Write a nice letter or a poem 
• Create a mini scrapbook or photo album with some favorite memories and add some personal touches/notes
• Draw or color a picture and ask your child some questions (what do you love to do most with mom? what is your favorite thing mom makes for you?  what does your mom look like?)
• Tell her how wonderful she is and how much you love her (several times!)

2. Pampering

• send them to a spa (don't have money?  create the experience at home with a foot bath, massage, and homemade facial treatment--hint: go to pinterest i.e.http://pinterest.com/dartjjj/homemade-facials/)
• make or order dinner and be sure to take care of the dishes afterwards too
• give her the day off from all her household duties and let her sit on the couch and read a book or watch her favorite show
• send her on a "shopping spree" to pick up a few new items 

3. Time spent with kids

• Make a special tradition and try to do it every Mother's Day (my hubby plans a hike to a different water fall each year-this will get more difficult in future or we may have to repeat some waterfalls. I love hiking, I love nature, and I love to spend time with my family and make memories.)
• Let each kid plan a special event or activity to do with mom (color a picture, get an ice cream cone, play a board game, etc.)  Depending on how many kids you have and what other activities are planned for the day, you may have to allow some kids to have their mini-date with mom on an alternate day 
• Play a family game (let mom choose which game)
• Watch a family movie (let mom choose)
• Call or Skype long distance moms and grandmas
• Bake mom's favorite dessert with mom (if she likes baking, otherwise move this idea to the "pampering" section and make it for her

4. Prayers

• Say a rosary for the moms in your life
• Make a spiritual bouquet to give to mom (kids commit to say some prayers and make a nice card and decorate it with the prayer commitments and pictures)
• Have a Mass said to honor mom

Did you notice that most of these ideas were either free or had a very small cost?  Try to be more heartfelt this year, rather than simply picking up a poetic card, bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates (of course, we'll take those too if you insist).  :)

If all else fails, try some of these (found at CrappyPictures.com)

What to Say...

Since we got pregnant with Elise (she's the second of three girls), we have been getting "those" questions.  You may know the ones I mean.  You may have been asked them yourself.  Or you may be the one asking them.  In case you aren't following me, I'm talking about these:

1) Wow, you have your hands full.  Are you done?

2) Are you trying/Will you try for the boy?  

I read this blog post today by Allison over at Catholic Sistas .  I found it amusing that the clerk asked her if it was "religious".  I have never been asked it that way before, but I found her answer of "Yes, and we LOVE it" to be perfect.  

I struggle with the urge to accurately portray my faith and beliefs on the one hand, and the urge to slap the person and tell them mind their own flipping business on the other.  

Of course, my favorite part about her blog post was the clerk's response of "People become Catholic on purpose?" when Allison mentioned that they had converted several years back.  Yes, and in fact, people have more than 1 kid on purpose sometimes too.

With regard to the question about "trying for the boy" which everyone always has to ask-- as if I have ANY say in the matter!  I mean, honestly, I think we all know that having a baby isn't just like putting in an order with Amazon-- I'd like a baby boy with the super saver free shipping, please.  Come on, people!  We aren't looking for a specific product here.  Every person is different and unique and we will happily accept any little person we are blessed with.    

At my favorite store with free samples and huge carts, the cashier asked me the "are you done" question.  I replied, "Probably not."   He literally stood there for 5 seconds and still coming up with no response, just said, "oh."  Anyway, the point of my post was to note how faithful and courageous Allison was in her answers.  I wish I could go the step further and "push my luck" as she says.  I always get caught tongue tied when people question my mental stability for choosing to have 3 (or more!) kids.  

I'm going to commit the Proverbs verse "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a picture of silver." (25:11) to memory this week and pray for the grace and the wisdom to know what to say and how to say it when people wonder about my insane and highly abnormal life choices.  

Because I am very content.  I love my family and I love my Catholic faith.

What kind of responses do you give to "those" questions?