The pictures for November will all be random and in a nonsensical order because I can't get my pictures to upload the normal way for this particular folder of pictures. I found a way around but it screwed up the order so bear with me. November-all over the place. Which is fitting, because it was.
Get ready, this is my raw heart.
We got moved into our new home at the end of October/very beginning of November.
I could sugarcoat a lot and I could also share a heck of a lot more of the pain and injustice, but I think for now somewhere in the middle is a good place to sit. God hates divorce. In fact, one of the things I love most about being Catholic is that divorce is not even a word in our theology. You either were never in a valid marriage and your marriage gets annulled or you are still sacramentally married because Marriage is an unbreakable covenant.
Civil divorce gets all the attention because you have to follow civil laws or lose your kids, but in the Church there IS NO DIVORCE. It either never was a marriage or it still is. And because I know Jesus hates the injustice done to my kids and I, I'm not going to pretend like it's somehow mutual or okay. It's neither.
It's not okay that my kids and I are hurting so much. It's not okay that I have the burden of everything on me when God created us as a FAMILY to lean on each other, to choose to love and cherish one another, to carry the load for each other when we are wounded or tired. It's not okay that I'm alone even though I'm not a widow. It's not okay that everyone expects my kids and I to "move on" and get over it after some arbitrary amount of time that each outside person seems to get to decide is the right amount of time. It's not okay that my kids and I only get a certain amount of time to grieve an injustice that goes so deep I don't know how or when we will truly heal from the pain and rejection. Family is the cornerstone of society, the school of love. It is not okay that we were robbed of that.
I'm not saying we won't lean on Christ and that He won't hold us and work at healing our broken hearts, but I'm tired of unspoken (and spoken) timelines from others. I'm tired of the fact that it's become acceptable to watch others make choices that harm others and so many are completely silent. I'm frustrated that my kids and I are still the ones expected to do all the work to be okay and to heal from choices we didn't make.
If you would like to link arms with us on this journey to healing, here are some things I suggest.
1. Write my kids letters. Remind them of their worth, that they are loved. They need to know that people are there, strong Christians who will back up what they say they believe with actions. Send prayer cards, send fun postcards, pictures, Bible verses, tell them what you're up to, and ask them what they're up to. But mostly tell them how incredible they are.
2. Pray for me. Go to Mass, the adoration chapel, your prayer corner, the Word and take me and my kiddos and yes, Chris too, with you in your intentions. And listen to the Holy Spirit if He has a Word of encouragement for us.
3. Help me with anything. I'm juggling everything so I'm always behind on basically everything. Help me clean my house. Help me with my yard. Help me make dinners. Help me have fun. Let me feel the pain but be with me in it so I don't have to face it alone.
4. I will never say no to giftcards especially during volleyball season August-October because I'm so busy then and we are always getting home late.
5. Don't push us to heal faster. God holds that timeline and your prayers and love and support will help us to have the time and space to engage with the Lord on that. That area is for Him, but we will gladly receive your love, support, and encouragement along the way as He draws us close to hold, heal, and restore us.
Castle Rock star lighting
My patient father put together this crazy bunk bed for me. It took forever and we had no directions, just pictures of what it looks like put together. Thank you, Dad. What a labor of love.
Golf card game
My amazing kids left this on my board at school
It's beginning to look a bit like Christmas in my classroom
Mother/Son bowling and arcade night with our school
Kolbe and I had a BLAST
One of my volleyball players' mom made this sweet gnome for me. His name is Dig. Fitting for gardening and volleyball. :)
Beauty
A friend's horse themed birthday party
We went and watched a friend perform as Sharpay in High School Musical
ahhh, more pictures of this labor of love. The girls helped Granddaddy out a bit.
Trekking game!
And back to the bowling night for Kolbe and I!
He sat in this cool car
He got binoculars with his game winnings. We tried them out.
beautiful sunsets at school
and more pictures of us freezing our rears off at the Castle Rock star lighting event.
Seriously it was SO cold. We will be better prepared next time.
