Why the Merge?

Long ago when I first started blogging,it was here in this comfortable, little B is for Bissonnette blog space.  As time went on, I felt that perhaps I wanted to share more in the way of crafting and educational ideas and faith-filled reflections.  But I wasn't so sure I wanted to share our family so publicly, and thus was born the idea of my second blog, Roses for Mommy.  

During the 2 1/2 years that I maintained the two blogs, I continued to keep a record of the goings-on within our family unit at B is for Bissonnette and used the Roses for Mommy blog as a platform to be able to share educational ideas, recipes, reflections, etc. in a more public setting.  My hope, at the time, was to reach further with my reading audience and be able to cast my net deeper to reach out to others (moms especially) who were going through similar struggles and to share and encourage. 

And I really enjoyed it for awhile.  Eventually, as more and more kids came along, and we made the choice to homeschool Kayla for Kindergarten (and now First Grade), I began to feel the strain from trying to keep up with not one, but two blogs.  I could always find inspiration to write in the Scriptures when all else failed, but all I did was write.  It left me very little time to really reflect on and live out the words the Spirit was speaking in my life.  I kept trying because that is what I do.  I don't give up.  I work harder.  

But my health and my family end up taking the toll, and after listening to this Building Bridges podcast, it suddenly became just so apparent that I needed to let some things go.  Jenna Guizar spoke in the podcast about how she made the decision to stop blogging and it opened up time and talent for God to use her gifts to found Blessed Is She.  And most of all, she felt peace.  

I didn't hear an actual "voice", but I heard it in my soul.  It was a whisper, an affirmation, that I didn't have to do it all.  I wasn't letting God down by giving up on expanding my blog and reaching more people.  I thought back to when I was really and truly excited and at peace about blogging.  Most of my thoughts centered around blogging about my simple, ordinary, real life with my little family.  

As a little girl, my mom would tell you that I only ever really wanted to be a mom.  Eventually, I also found that I loved teaching and child development.  I loved creativity and music.  I loved pictures and poetry.  I loved reading.  I still do.  

And I have all those things in my family blog.  I am blessed to be a mother to 4 beautiful little ones, and we are currently homeschooling our oldest, Kayla.  I am teaching.  I am writing and reading.  I am singing to my little ones and exploring God's vast world with them and my incredible husband.  And I don't need to share those experiences with the whole world to fulfill my vocation.  

So I am returning to blogging from that simple, honest perspective here.  

This is my vocation.  To love and care for the family God has given me.  Simply.  

Filled with peace. 

Happy Birthday, Mama Mary + Musical Monday: Ave Maria (Schubert)

Today is Mama Mary's birthday.  My gift at Mass this morning to Our Lady was not what I had hoped to give.  I could barely take a moment to pay attention because my (almost) two year old was antsy and made many spontaneous and loud outbursts throughout.  The other two were pretty good, but added their own small disturbances during just about every moment when the two year seemed to calm down for a brief time.

In short, I was rather humiliated and devastated.  The girls and I have been trying to make it to morning Mass a few times a week and they have been, well, kids, but today I wanted to crawl into a hole.  And perhaps I should have just left instead of creating a disturbance for others, but I sat there while Ava crawled all over me talking or trying to use the small pencils in the pew to write in the music issues and thought, " I need Jesus every bit as much as any of these other people here."  I wish I could apologize to the others who attended Mass for the noise and random outbursts, but instead I just said a prayer for them that God would bless them because not a single person said anything unkind or gave me a look (that I saw anyway).

found on Pinterest here

After Mass, Ava was being stubborn and refused to follow me to the car.  I had my hands full with our church bag and the diaper bag and a motherly woman came and scooped her up and said to her, "You are two, aren't you?  Let's help Mommy because she has a baby in her tummy that makes her tired."  I could have cried right there.



My gift for Mary was pathetic this morning and I knew it, but it was literally everything I had.  And she took my gift of nothing, and gave me love and encouragement from a "mother".  This woman was Our Lady to me this morning.  She was understanding, loving, and completely nonjudgmental.



Happy Birthday, Mama Mary, and thank you for teaching me that motherhood truly is about simply loving and giving of yourself, even when there doesn't seem to be much to give. In honor of the feast, I'm sharing Schubert's Ave Maria as sung by Andrea Bocelli.  Enjoy!



               

God's Word-filled Wednesday: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

So I am nearly finished reading The Rhythm of Life by Matthew Kelly.  I read most of it back in college, but it is full of stuff that we need to remind ourselves of daily, so when I finish, I may as well start over again.  haha, but seriously, there is a lot of great stuff in here.  Totally recommend any of his books.

The chapter I read a couple days ago really hit me.  It was a chapter on self-knowledge and quoted Socrates:

In the chapter, as Matthew Kelly discusses the idea and importance of knowing yourself , he says,

"Fear holds us back.  We refuse to look in the mirror, not always physically, but emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually...We are scared of what we will find.  So we think and talk only of our good qualities and achievements, but in doing so, we shun some of life's most rewarding and fulfilling lessons." 

All this made me think of one of my favorite Bible verses of all time, which is my verse for this Wednesday.

I like this verse because it reminds me to stop being such a perfectionist.  It is true that in Matthew 5:48, Jesus calls us to "be perfect as my heavenly Father is perfect.", but that perfection comes from relying on God's grace, not on our own power to do right. 

So in the spirit of "boasting in my weaknesses" (which I don't think is easy for any of us), I thought I would share about one of my greatest weaknesses.  I was going to write about it myself, but then this morning I came across this blog post for the overwhelmed mama randomly on Pinterest that pretty says exactly what I would have wanted to say. 

Did you go and read the link?  

You should have.  It's really a great read.  

Did you notice how none of the solutions to help you stop yelling/lecturing are things that would make one appear to be a super mom?  They are just simple, little, totally-manageable things that we can do on a daily basis to keep ourselves more calm and more than that to show our kids responsibility, love, charity, and being still.   

Most moms I know are major multi-taskers (you have to be), but sometimes you have to be willing to slow down and teach, not by lecturing, not by telling, and not by yelling, but by doing tasks and activities with them, by living and loving the lessons you hope to teach, by being the example you want them to be. 

And just in case, you were wondering if my weakness means that I don't love being a mom...You could not be further from the truth.  I love my vocation as a mom and could write forever (check out other blog posts) about the many fun activities and experiences I am blessed to enjoy with my kids nearly every day.  But we have to be truthful.  Every aspect of motherhood is NOT fun and games.  A lot of it is really hard, really tiring, and really frustrating no matter how much you love your kids.

But I truly believe that by understanding and knowing that I have many short-comings as a mom, and by seeking God's grace and acting in the way HE shows me, not the way I might naturally react oftentimes, I can become a truly loving and selfless mother to my kids.

"for when I am weak, then I am strong."

NFP- Keepin' it Real

It's National NFP (Natural Family Planning) Awareness Week, so I found this meme on Pinterest that I'd say this is quite accurate based on my own experience and that of family and friends I know who have shared with me.  The words following the photo are merely my thoughts, so try not to get offended somehow.  

If you are looking for more information about what NFP is and what the Church teaches about it, I really loved this article about God, sex, and babies. :)  Jenny over at mamaneedscoffee.com also writes some great posts about NFP which are also quite entertaining.  The one I linked to is merely ONE she has written, but just put NFP in the search box and you can read for hours.  

Let's start with society: they assume that if you DO have a "large" family that you must not know how to use NFP, or that it is ineffective.  False.  1) They are assuming that you weren't planning to have a big family (because of course, who in their right mind would PLAN to have that many kids?) and 2) they wrongly assume that NFP is merely another form of birth control when it's so much more (It is used to avoid pregnancy, achieve pregnancy, development strong communication in marriage, and that's just a start....)

The general sentiment I get from "society" when I'm out and about with my 3 kids ages 5 and under is that they should pity me. What is pity except a way to push someone below you as if you are somehow better than them?  If you see that I'm a bit overwhelmed with my brood that day, your pity will never help me, but your kindness and encouragement will.  

Moving on to doctors (obviously we aren't speaking about pro-life doctors who actually know about and understand NFP):  I have never been blessed to have a pro-life OB/GYN who was really familiar with NFP.  They aren't just right around every corner, so often you get to be a witness and/or have your OB/GYN react similarly to the picture above.  They think we have no idea what is going on regarding "birth control", but rarely ask more about it, which I find a little sad. 

Of course the media is constantly spouting that women who follow the teachings of the Catholic Church in general are being oppressed by men.  It is infuriating, yet I also just want to laugh at them.  REALLY?  You think that men (and other women too) shoving hormonal crap at me that simply can't be good for my health are the ones helping me?  My husband who is loving, faithful, a good provider, and my best friend, is definitely the one trying to oppress me here.  

My husband and I have only grown closer because we practice NFP.  We aren't always on the same page at first, but NFP calls the couple to prayerfully come together and listen to each other, and prayerfully discern TOGETHER.  I'm not making all the decisions because "it's my body!" and he's not making all the decisions  because he's "an oppressive Catholic husband/idiot"  WE are listening to each other's thoughts, opinions, ideas, hopes, feelings, and dreams.  And then we are taking them to God and letting Him show us the path he wants us to follow.  

My GOOD friends of course know what NFP is because they either practice it too or they have asked me about it and listened thoughtfully to my explanation (not society, the media, or anyone else).  But I can agree that some friends/acquaintances definitely seem to be under the assumption that because we practice NFP, we never have sex and/or we don't have it often.  It's none of their business, but it's also not true.  I mean put two and two together people.  We have 3 kids and 1 on the way in less than 6 years.  How exactly do you think they came to be?  It is true that we abstain during fertile periods (when we are practicing NFP to avoid pregnancy) and that period of time can sometimes feel like an eternity, but it is a wonderful lesson in self-control (who can't use some of that?) and it also gives us opportunity to be sure that the bedroom isn't the only place we connect.  And that strengthens a marriage.  We love God first and seek His will for our lives and we love each other fully and realize that sex is only one aspect of that love.  

At times I do feel a little overwhelmed by charting and counting and doublechecking to be sure my counting is correct.  But that's only when I'm stressed out and haven't taken it to God in prayer for awhile and have let the other views above get to me.  Who knows?  My counting mistake could end up being the hugest blessing in my life!  Which brings me to one of the truths of NFP. It's not about you and your plans.  If you want to use it to control your life and your fertility you certainly can (if you don't have sex, you won't get pregnant; I don't think God's planning on sending an angel to you and having you conceive by the Holy Spirit), but you are missing the beauty of it and you are not truly practicing NFP as the Church teaches.  I have actually grown to LOVE the fact that if I count wrong, or we feel that God has a different plan after our initial discernment to "wait" another month to conceive (God-willing), the "mistake" is not really a mistake. It's a beautiful child and a blessing.  Another life God has blessed us with and entrusted to us.  When will we realize that GOD is in charge, not us?

Which brings us to the last picture from It's a Wonderful Life.  I don't claim that my life is perfect or my marriage is perfect because we use NFP.  We are human.  Sometimes practicing NFP is really hard and it completely sucks.  Sometimes God gives us extra grace and it feels like a breeze.  But that's the beauty of it all.  Life is not so wonderful without the ups and the downs.  We learn and grow from the struggles and we draw closer to each other and God who in turn blesses us abundantly with joy and love.  

The Honest Truth- My personal parenting choices and mistakes

I read this blog post from the Matt Walsh blog earlier  (I've read some of this guy's stuff before, and can totally relate) .  To summarize his rant, every parenting experience is different, every child is different, so stop judging!  Non-parents are judging parents, parents are judging parents, grandparents are judging parents, everyone is judging parents, and it's silly.

So on a somewhat related note, I am going to share some some of the "secrets" that I mostly try to pretend don't actually happen because if word gets out, I might get my kids taken away from me because CLEARLY everyone but their own mother knows what is best for them and can do a better job themselves.
1. I put my kids to sleep on their stomach.

Pretty much as soon as they came home from the hospital and I was away from the nurses shoving huge stacks of paper work with "Never put your child to sleep on his/her stomach.  Always lay a child on his/her back"  written on every sheet.  I have researched the SIDS stuff, and it makes no sense why I can't lay my child her stomach, but I always skillfully avoided the question at the pediatrician's office because I hate having to defend my parenting choices.  My mother put myself and my 6 siblings to sleep on our tummies and we are all fine.  My first two slept through the night  at 1-2 months, and I'm not saying it's BECAUSE they slept on their STOMACHS, but I do think it's because they were sleeping how each of them was most comfortable.

2. I let my babies sleep in bed with us sometimes.

That's why the third one didn't sleep through the night as early.  She was in bed with me and got used to waking up to eat more often.  I'm not saying this is for everyone, and I'm not even sure I would do it with the next kid, but EVERY kid is different.  What I am saying is that it's not wrong or even dangerous as all those parenting books would have you believe.  Just know yourself.  I don't roll over in my sleep and I wake up at the smallest thing.  My hubby is not like that.  I don't put our kid in the middle of the bed because the hubby sleeps like a rock and has been known to accidentally roll over and elbow right in the face without even knowing it.  So, the baby comes to bed sometimes ON MY SIDE where I feel comfortable that baby will be safe.

3.  I have used my kids to get out of stuff.

Every parent has.  But I have legitimately said no or called things off because of my kids too.   So if a parent says "Sorry, I can't make it, my kid is sick."  or "Yeah, I can't do that; it's going to mess up baby's nap time", just give them the benefit of the doubt and believe it.  Most of the time it's true, and you will never know which is which so why wonder?

4. I yell at my kids.

This is one of the hardest for me to admit because every time if happens, I burst into tears and crumble in a heap on the floor.  It's humiliating to admit that you could be a terrible enough person to yell at a fragile, sweet, innocent little child.  But kids know how to push our buttons, too, and they also keep us up at night and have at least 2,000 questions a day that NEED answers now dangit!  I'm not saying this to make an argument that yelling at my kids is ever a good thing to do.  I'm saying it because I don't understand why everyone expects perfection from parents.  I hate that I lose my cool sometimes and let my temper get the best of me.  But it happens, and all I can do is apologize to my kids for losing it and ask their forgiveness. Kids aren't the only ones who should say sorry when they've misbehaved.

5. I don't bathe my kids every night.  Or even every other night. 

Some weeks, I am not even sure they've had a bath.  A little dirt honestly never hurt anyone.  My daughter's hair might be a little tangled, but a nightly bath isn't necessary.

6.  I'm not a germ-a-phobe.  I'm just not.

I see people that wash their hands after every little baby thing and wash every toy and the pacifier when it falls on the ground, and on and on...I'm not judging you, but germs just don't bother me that much.  My kids willingly eat dirt sometimes.  I mean, they go outside and put dirt in their mouth and keep doing it!  I just don't worry anymore if they pick up a raisin off the floor that's been there for a few hours or even a few days.  And I stopped using that shopping cart cover after the first 5 trips to the grocery store with baby #1.  It was just more of a pain than it was worth and our kids are fairly healthy, so getting a cold here or there is really not the end of the world; in fact I think it strengthens their immune systems.  

7.  I base the day's activities around nap times. 

I know tons of people who think parents like me are over the top with schedules.  But I just know what works best for me and my kids.  Naps are an important aspect of keeping our kids healthy and happy as well as keeping us as parents healthy and happy.  That's not to say that we never ever plan anything during the sacred nap time, but we sure as heck try not to, and we're very sorry if you don't understand or think that we aren't flexible enough.  This happens to be something that we feel pretty strongly about and we make it a priority for naps to happen as much as possible.  And I am also that tyrant mother who forces my daughter to take naps some days.  She's 4 and we've had days and even weeks where she fights me at nap time, but I fight back because I know she is tired and still needs her nap right now.  Her behavior is different in the evenings when she hasn't taken a nap, and so I enforce nap time.  And in this home, we are all happier people for it.

So there you have it.  Some flat out honesty.  Go ahead and judge me.  I'm sure you want to.  :)

Updated: And here is a lovely picture quote I saw on Facebook this morning that totally nails it.  Parents, don't worry about what everyone else thinks, "LIVE HOLY the present moment."

 

Real Mom Style- Sweatpants edition

I began this Sunday link -up (see my latest post here) to help inspire myself to be less of a slob.  It's not really my fault; I am a stay-at-home mom and the reality is that unless I outsource some of the household duties (hire a housekeeper, put the kids in daycare,  eat out all the time or buy ready-made meals, hire a gardener etc) there is simply no way to be dressed cute like these women all the time.

    

I try my best to look halfway put together when I leave the house, but even that doesn't happen half the time.  I tend to go for the "I just came from the gym" look when I take the girls to the store, library, or well, Total Wine.  Why am I telling you this?

 My friend sees my weekly Real Mom style posts from Sunday each week and feels as though I am setting the bar very high for "real mom style" and I had to give her a more complete picture.  I hate to paint my life out to be perfect when it is most certainly not.

Now the cold, hard truth is that I spend the first half of the day caring for the kids, answering emails for my work-from-home job, and cleaning the house with no bra on.  TMI?  Well, I didn't share a picture.  That's where I draw the line.  The real point being that in the life of a mom, you often don't have the time to get yourself ready before your day begins.  Usually my morning starts with Elise sauntered sleepily into my room asking for "Bekfas" (breakfast).  So I roll out of bed and head out to do her bidding.  And hours later, I realize I'm still in my pajamas.

Sometimes I put on a movie for the girls so I can take a quick shower and put on an outfit like the one I'm wearing in this picture.  

But the more likely scenario to happen is that I simply put on shorts or sweatpants and a T-shirt.  It's easy, comfortable, and I always think to myself "Now I'm ready for that workout that I plan to do today"... Usually the extent of my workout is to cart kids around and run around playing with them for some amount of time during the day.

Since we are being honest here: Yes, my house is a mess most days.

Dancing is really an excellent workout.
Try it if you have not.

Then when nap time rolls around I sometimes pretend like I don't see the dirty kitchen floor and pile of dishes in the sink and drink a glass of wine instead. 

In case you needed a few more glamour shots of my usual daily attire, let me share a few more pictures with you.  The messy side braid is actually quite cute when paired with a stylish outfit.  When paired with yoga pants and a T-shirt, it is quite plain.   But it keeps my hair out of my way, so it's one of my favorite hairstyles. 

so glamorous, right?

    

Another favorite mom hairstyle is the messy bun. 

Sometimes I am a "truly glamorous" stay-at-home mom and I change up my T-shirt style by adding a long cami underneath.  Usually it is black or white, but when I am especially dazzling, I wear this polka dot cami underneath a T-shirt.

 

So much more stylish, no?

perhaps not?

Looking good from every angle

It is on these days that The Hubby arrives home from work asking where I went that day.  It is nice that he notices my 'extra effort', but I must confess that I began the Sunday style link up in the first place because on the rare occasions that I made any effort to get dressed up a little and put on a bit of make-up, The Hubby was sure it must be because I had gone to "Mom's group" or the library.  I was quite embarrassed to realize that I apparently dress up so little, even on the weekends that he assumed that every time I did it was to go out in public.  So my new resolution has been to try to change into something a bit more stylish and put on a bit of make-up just before The Hubby arrives home from work.  The reality?  It happens probably one time during the work week.  But I am trying!

Fortunately for me my husband loves me just as much when I look like the picture above.  Because he knows me.  He loves my quirkiness and the way I am with our girls.  He loves that even when I don't do the best job of it, I am trying my best to keep our house somewhat orderly, our children well-disciplined and loved, and good food on the table.

The best wives and mothers aren't necessarily the ones that are the best dressed.  They are the ones who spend time with their husband and kids and love them unconditionally.  And let the kids draw on each other's faces with markers.  And let the children run around wearing only their underwear sometimes  most of the time.  Ok, so those last two may not be accurate, but who is going to try to prove me wrong?

Are you a mom?  What is your REAL mom style?