God has been working with me HARD-CORE on trusting in Him recently. In reading the book, 33 Days to Merciful Love by Fr. Mike Gaitley, I am being smacked over the head with it continually. Trust, trust, TRUST! I am also using Blessed Is She's Lenten devotional workbook and it, too, (through reading and reflecting on the daily readings as well as additional reflections written by Blessed Is She writers) is urging me to stop worrying and TRUST.
As a family, we are discerning some pretty big decisions right now, and for every time I try to grab back all my worries and anxieties, God is sending me encouragement to give it to Him, to trust Him with my life, my family, my future. Over and over and over again (I'm a bit of a control freak and pro/con lists and constant discussion about decisions is kind of how I roll). But God has asked me to toss those things aside and simply give my plans and worries over to Him.
This morning, I opened a fresh journal (given to me by my friend for my birthday) and this verse stared me in the face:
And just as I've done almost every other day this week, I had a quiet conversation with the Lord and gave Him (once again!) the worries that I was attempting to sneak back. God and I have been having a lot of words recently. I've spent some time crying. But I've spent far more time saying, "OK, God. Whatever you want. Not my will, but yours be done." And I have found so much peace in that. My heart is no longer tied in knots about everything on my plate. My worries about our family are balanced with the knowledge that God is in control and His plans are better than mine. EVEN when I don't understand them.
What a beautiful gift we have been given in the Jubilee Year of Mercy. God's merciful love is so wide, so high, so big, and this Year of Mercy has been a wonderful reminder to accept the great outpouring of God's love and mercy that is available to us if we only open our hearts and accept it.
What's on your heart today? Can you read that verse with me and trust God's words to us that He has incredible plans for our lives even when we can't see how all the crazy pieces will fit together? Can you repeat with me, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." (Mark 9:24) over and over until God's peace shines through the darkness of our fears and failings? Can we pray these words of St. Faustina: "Jesus, I trust in You." and give Him EVERYTHING?
Let's begin with a simple "Yes" as Mary did.
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